her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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