I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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