just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
