you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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