Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My pussy is not your playground.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
