omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
