ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
