We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
