So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
