Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
