it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize