That's when you crack a 10am beer
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
