Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
