even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
