Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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