took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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