Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
