Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
