As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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