he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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