I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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