Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
