I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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