I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
