Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
