My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
