Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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