Christians are straight up FREAKS
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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