apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
