This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize