It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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