Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't deserve a penis
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
