this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize