So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
