You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
