Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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