And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We need to get me chipped asap
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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