So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize