I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
