So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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