It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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