Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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