so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize