I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
