As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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