Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
