Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize