Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
