I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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