I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
