I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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