before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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