do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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