My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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