The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
