Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
