I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize