All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
