Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We need to get me chipped asap
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
