I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
