he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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