I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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