Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
