We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
two words: eviction party
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
