Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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