I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
