He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
