so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
