Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
