First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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