is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
