She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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