The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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