So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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