Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
