Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i think i just lost a toe
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
