you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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