Do vagina's smell?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
