I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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