Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
