We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
