I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize