Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
