her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
