I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just saw a hot homeless man
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
