her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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