you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
