so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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