You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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