I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
