no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
