My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I could fuck to npr.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
