oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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