I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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