Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
